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I dreamed of words, brain damage, and me, myself and I.

2/14/2014

Like many, I've long believed that dreams are a way our subconscious comunicates with our concious. Actually, I believe that everybody has about twenty personalities, even though we only show about seven at any given time (and that we wear different personalities

around different friends but three to five perosonalities rarely are expressed to anyone but those closest to us.

Well, none of this is very scientific, but there was a study done on patients who had their corpus collusom severed. (I've probably mentioned this study before.)

Anyway, if you think of the brain halves as two computers, each programed to do certain things, you can then equate the corpus collusom to a data transfer cable, allowing our brians to proccess information (sight, sound, touch, taste and smell) without overloading our sysetm. Usually.

But when this data transfer cable is severed, information does not transfere from one hemisphere to the next. That means, we can only express verybally what we hear, but not what whe see. So, the patients were if they could do any job, what they wanted. The participants verbally expressed jobs like banker, accounted, and CEO.

Next, they were presented with pictures. They could not say what they saw and in fact, in fact most were unawre of the pictures (because the cable that transfers that data to the verbal side of brain was severed.) However, they still chose a job from among the pictures. Jobs such as pilot, circus clown and artist.

I've always found this study interensting and ever since reading, I've hypothesized that we are essentially two people and you can see this expressed in langaue when people talk about themselves in the plural. My, myself and I being a common joke, but one that is also very apt.Another one is, "I'm of two minds."

Have you ever stood before a menu board, wanting multiple things at one time? Have you ever wanted opisite things? Maybe an unexciting vaccation and one that involves something like zip lining. And of course, when it comes to love, our hearts want to feel loved and our rational minds want a successful partner -- because there's a lot to be said for being able to pay the bills.

I believe that competeing urges are an expression of are perhaps our two minds arguing over what they want. Our conscious mind will usually win, because it has verbal faculty while our none verbal mind can only dream. But I mean this litterally. When we dream, the non-verbal part of our brain has a chance to expressess it's desires and wories, night after night if nessisary, until we pay it some attention.

It expresses life through imagines, often disjointed and strange because it cannot speak in words and is not aware of time in the same way our concious mind is. Nor can it seperate easily organize things. And yet, it can speak to us. Dreams of falling and fear can indicate that you feel overwhelmed or out of control.

(Beyond this study I mentioned, patients who have this kind of brain damage are also known to do strange things, like slap people, for which they are conciously unaware. Yes, this is a real thing.)

Anyway, recuring dreams are important but so are singular dreams. Last night, I dreamed of words. Exactly, I dreamed that a writer was talking about the value of a book versus a movie. She said that books are costly for their entertainment value because they lack the pictures and sound of a movie. I've heard this expressed by writers over the years on blogs and what not. Usually, writers say that books are to expensive for what the reader gets.

To me, this idea is intrinsically flawed, because it's based on the precieved value of pictures over text. While, I can understand that people who don't have mind movies would say this, I will never understand writers who do.

Because it's just not true.

Anyway, my subconcious wanted me to tell you all that so, I did.

Loving Other People's Children: Part 2

2/9/2014

The other day I went to visit my friend who lives near the demilitarized between South Korea and North Korea. She lives about 4.5 hours from me so I don't get to see her often and thus we took a trip North to see commemorative park.

None of this really matters... okay, what we do with or friends always matters, but what I mean is, in context to this topic, it doesn't matter. I'm just taking a long cut to explain how I came upon the swords.

Among the gift shop goodies were real Korean practice swords and it reminded me of the boys. I had to fight the impulse to buy a pair and send them back to the United States. I could have, very easily done so. I sent them Christmas cards after all, albeit belated because of my hours at work and no weekend post office ,but I digress.

I did so much for the boys and I thought I was being really good to them but I reinforced something their dad was adept at: selfishness. I never mentioned it before because I'm an adult and I shouldn't whine about forgotten birthdays, but then again I celebrated three birthdays with small gifts but kindnesses and not only was there no goodbye dinner, or card, or any of the things my good friends do, but no birthday card either. However to be clear, they also would have forgotten their dad's birthday and done absolutely nothing had I not been around to push them.

Kids are not exactly to blame for such things. They are kids after all and tend to forget about things like birthdays or little thank yous. Often, just being around them is reward enough because there is just something about children to us adults. However, whether you are a parent, relative, or family friend, I believe that it is possible to do children disservice by not teaching them to reciprocate. Just as the youngest of kids must be taught to share, they must also be taught to care.

I'll also add a caveat because kids are very good at saying thank you in the moment, because they are thinking about it and it's easy. True care has scope beyond a moment, and impulse. Very few children are born knowing this.

Anyway, they know I have not forgotten them because words are free and the cost of a stamp is negligible, but even that cannot go on forever un-reciprocated.

Days I remember sleep: Allegra, depression and insomnia

2/2/2014

Every night as lay not sleeping (I'm a tried and true insomniac in case you didn't know) ideas swim happily through my mind. Awesome post worthy ideas.

But alas the morning arrives and stumble groggily to my feet, fighting to push away sleepiness that feel upon my brain perhaps three or four hours ago if it was a go "good" night and if it was bad night, an hour less prior.

The sleepiness lingers most of the day. When I teach I successfully push it aside only to succumb to it when I have a break. I dare not take naps because if I fall a sleep my body will want SLEEP, the kind that is so rare to warrant remembering the way most people remember special moments of their life: when they meant their spouse, their first time, their wedding night, the birth of a child... because when you don't sleep, the rare moments you do take on special meaning.

The day the follows such an event is always a good day because I have energy.

There is a tendency to attribute insomnia to depression. But to me that's a which came first, the chicken or the egg question. I am not depressed when I get sleep, but when I don't get sleep my symptoms mirror depression.

I once took a writing class with a writer who took Allegra to treat her depression.

Allegra D happens to be excellent for depression because the side effect of 120 milligrams of decongestant is obviously positive.

Of course any shrink-- my bachelors is in psychology so... Anyway, any mind doctor will tell you that taking Allegra for depression is bad. Very, very bad. Never mind the efficacy of anti-depressants is like 50/50 over placebo. If it works what does it matter? I'm sure there's a well reasoned reason behind it, but the one that comes to mind, that taking drugs to feel better is addictive behavior. Or some such. Anyway, that argument can be applied to anti-depressants so...

Of more merit however (I'm sure I've mentioned this before) is that anti-depressants affect the histamine receptors in our brains. So do anti-histamines, aka allergy medicine. In fact allergy symptoms mirror depression; depression symptoms mirror allergy symptoms. That there has been zero research into this.

My roommate used to say that we will never cure disease because there is no money in it. The real money is in treatment.

Just as the rare moments of sleep stand out to me, so does a moment of clarity about allergies and depression. I was nineteen and lying in the grass of the cattle farm where I boarded my horse, Hershey. The sky was blue and the breeze soft. A murmur of flies, bees, and the rustle of spring leaves filled the air. I felt cleanly dirty and healthy, the way a day spent on the back of a horse often makes me feel. There was stray in my hair. And I could not get up. I needed to get up, to go back to my dorm room and shower but the lethargy that I often felt had taken over. As it happened, I had some allergy medication given to me by a practicing nurse when I had complained of sinus trouble. Why I took it, I don't know. It was plain old Allegra, no D in the equation.

About thirty minutes later my fatigue vanished and I was myself. Perhaps it is this moment why my instructors confessions have lingered with me. I've long wondered since how much of depression is really allergies?

And what of insomnia? Depression? Anxiety? Genetic? Other? I don't know.

I dreamed of words, brain damage, and me, myself and I.

Loving Other People's Children: Part 2

Days I remember sleep: Allegra, depression and insomnia

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