One day while vacuuming the many legged and exceptionally drowned critters off the bottom the pool an attractive man (do not trust my judgment here and by that I mean, I hadn't been on a date in ever = lowered standards) chatted me up and asked me for my number.
And then he didn't call. No worries though, this tale doesn't end here. You see he texted: "How are you?"
I replied. "I'm fine, and you?" The and you is something I learned Korea and can be attached to the end of any answer.
"Yeah, my grandmother died. And you?"
This continued for two weeks. (And you?) Finally, he said, lets go out at 9pm on a Friday. And I was like, "Sorry, but I have plans all weekend." So, we returned to "How are you?"
"I'm fine..." followed by "How about you?" (I'm a wild woman!) Actually, things were getting boring so I tried to make a joke.
"I don't understand. Please explain?"
Have you ever tried to explain a joke that someone didn't get? Have you ever been asked to do this by text?
Well, finally Mr. Suave asked me on a date. There was just one catch:Me: "When and where?"
Him: "What do you want to do?"
Me: "You decided, but don't stress. Keep it simple, no worries. We're just getting to know each other and it doesn't take much to amuse me. "
(Roommate: "This is true squared.)
Him: "I like that. So what do you want to do?"
Me: "I am not going to plan the date."
Him: "Ok. What do you want to do?"
Rinse, repeat a few more times, insert me telling in to just "pick a location and a time. It's not hard." (Example: McDonald's, 2 PM... did I mention lowered standards?)
So I make plans and his feelings get all hurt because I wouldn't free up my entire day so he could cancel at the last minute. Which, to make this fairy no-tale short:
Fail, Romeo, Fail
Him: "Good morning? Sorry, but I have to work..." Me: (Lingering in bed because he hadn't answered my text confirming plans.) "Ok."
Him: "Let's do something next week."
The blank slate
Okay, so I actually have something meaningful to say. But, before I can tell you that, I have to tell you this.
Once upon a time I wanted to ride horses professionally. I wrote about that here. But what I didn't tell you about horse back riding is that the only way to overcome your fear is to ride the horse, not how you expect him to based on how he was the last time you rode him, but how he is now. I learned that if I didn't want a horse to buck, I had to ride him everyday as if he had never bucked. Anticipating what might happen often lead to bucking. And even when it didn't, I hardly noticed when I finished riding. I was so busy anticipating what was that I couldn't appreciate what is.
Can you see where I'm going with this? Whether it be love, writing, or riding clean your slate. Not once a year, once a month, or once a week. Clean it everyday. Rinse and repeat.
But to be clear. This doesn't mean staying with a man or woman who beats you or a horse who throws you off everyday. Sometimes, you have to start over. But clean your slate with the next man, woman, horse, friend, or gorilla.... whatever. You get my point.
Mariel R. is an ESL teacher, horse trainer, writer, editor, sporadic blogger, and lover of beer. She lives in South Korea with two cats, three horses, a German Shepherd and 17 chickens.
Bear (Gom in Korean) then (above) now (below)
Geumbi (Goldy in English) R.I.P February, 23, 2018